She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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