If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
