I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
