The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
