I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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