Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
