too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
