and you said cock pushups were impossible
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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