I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
