You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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