remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
