i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize