I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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