If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
