I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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