It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
whose parrot is this?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
