dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
