Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
