I'm lost and stupid without you.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
