I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
smell my finger.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
