Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
