He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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