I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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