Can Purell be used as lube?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize