If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
