he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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