My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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