As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize