I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
