I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
