I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
