Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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