I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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