So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
