Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize