Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
