Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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