I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
