So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
