If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's rum buckets o'clock
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
