He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
