I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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