those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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