How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
