I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
