you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
