so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
