I just cut my nipple shaving
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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