Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize