hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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