Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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