so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
