My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
