you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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