I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
"it" just moved
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
