No awkward lesbian experiences without me
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
