I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
