i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
