My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
