I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
