Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
