I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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