He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize