you're like a bully in the Christmas story
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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