I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
