i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Bring me that man meat
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
