i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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