sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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