Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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