She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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