Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
