hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
