The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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