Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
