today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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