Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
