We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
