he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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