I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
