Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
50% drunk capacity currently
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize