i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
