Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
