just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
