Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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