she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
