i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
