Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
barbara walters just said penis...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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