What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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