i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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