It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize