the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
