talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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