well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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