So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
one might say we're banned from that church
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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