The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
