i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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