Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
