I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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