You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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