I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
