In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
