just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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