found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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