I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
