yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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