Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
