Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There's always time for handjobs
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize