I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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