I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
