Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
