Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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