So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
