don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My penis needs a shock collar
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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