is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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