Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
