i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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