I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
