i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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