I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
