Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
