I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
